The Ten Worst Things
About Getting Older
1. Things fall out of holes that shouldn’t fall out. Let your imagination run wild. If you can imagine it, it has probably happened.
2. You sweat under your boobs. WTF is that about and how did that happen? One day you can pass the famous “pencil” test and the next day, the entire household is hiding their favorite pens, pencils, crayons and highlighters under your left breast!
3. Your doctor tells you to quit smoking. Then he tells you to quit drinking. Then he tells you to quit eating fat foods. Then he tells you to quit eating sugar. Then he tells you to quit eating carbohydrates. Eventually, he will tell you to quit
4. Got a rip in your pants? You have no shame and wear the peek-a-boo pants to do your bargain shopping at the thrift store.
5. You used to have to repeat everything to your husband twice because he didn’t listen. Now you repeat things three times because he can’t hear.
6. You used to be the life of every party, but now you are just invited to “sit”…baby sit , house sit, dog sit and “sit down and shut the s*it up“.
7. When you undress, your grandchild points at you and laughs.
8. You have a pair of glasses to read, a pair of glasses to drive and a pair of glasses to watch tv, because you are too vain to get bifocals much less trifocals.
9. Your favorite clerk at Victoria‘s Secret no longer remembers your name, but that loud manager over at the Plus Size Panty Store thinks you are her best friend.
10. The only use you have for K-Y is to lube the wheels on your walker. No, this one hasn’t happened yet, but it is just a matter of time.