Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Ten Worst Things About Getting Older

The Ten Worst Things
About Getting Older

1. Things fall out of holes that shouldn’t fall out. Let your imagination run wild. If you can imagine it, it has probably happened.

2. You sweat under your boobs. WTF is that about and how did that happen? One day you can pass the famous “pencil” test and the next day, the entire household is hiding their favorite pens, pencils, crayons and highlighters under your left breast!

3. Your doctor tells you to quit smoking. Then he tells you to quit drinking. Then he tells you to quit eating fat foods. Then he tells you to quit eating sugar. Then he tells you to quit eating carbohydrates. Eventually, he will tell you to quit

4. Got a rip in your pants? You have no shame and wear the peek-a-boo pants to do your bargain shopping at the thrift store.

5. You used to have to repeat everything to your husband twice because he didn’t listen. Now you repeat things three times because he can’t hear.

6. You used to be the life of every party, but now you are just invited to “sit”…baby sit , house sit, dog sit and “sit down and shut the s*it up“.

7. When you undress, your grandchild points at you and laughs.

8. You have a pair of glasses to read, a pair of glasses to drive and a pair of glasses to watch tv, because you are too vain to get bifocals much less trifocals.

9. Your favorite clerk at Victoria‘s Secret no longer remembers your name, but that loud manager over at the Plus Size Panty Store thinks you are her best friend.

10. The only use you have for K-Y is to lube the wheels on your walker. No, this one hasn’t happened yet, but it is just a matter of time.


Cyn said...

HAHA OMG!!! SO funny!!! I have a friend turning 50 this month..I may direct her to your blog :)

Vodka Mom said...

oh sweet JESUS that was funny.

Sue said...

Hey Girlfriend,
You are definately on a "roll" this morning! I have a feeling it just might have a tiny bit to do with a big b-day coming up! I'm so happy I'm not looking at "that" number! I can learn from you how to survive old age! And because I know you, I DO know that you are only as old as you feel, and you definately do not fit into any of your top ten! Keep partying like a rock star and everything will be ok!


trash talk said...

You have no idea how badly I needed this today! Thanks for lightening my day...and my frown!
P.S. Let's not forget Magic Markers in the ol' hidey spot!

Yaya Chique said...

That is hysterical...but, what makes it worse is that this truly happens! LOL (I should know) xo...deb

Sue said...

Loved this.

And as for the last one, that hasn't happened to me yet, either, but the K-Y has gone from a nicety to a necessity.


Deborah said...

This is Hysterical ... no.2 made me LOL ... I thought it was just me !!!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

There is a line from an old movie that I can't remember the name of but the line stuck with me all these decades: "Life just has a way of beating the shit out you." It's true, and sad. By the way, if you need to borrow a pencil to write that down, I've got one tucked under my right boob. And I'm a dude. God I hate getting old.

JANN said...

YOU are funny and so true with this list. Love the pencils hiding under the boob but all of them was funny.