Who Gonna Check Me, Boo?

I am a little late in answering the questions from

Ask The Teechur Friday.

I have a note from my mother.

Get over it.

Legally, I think I can answer all these questions honestly.

Oh, wait.

I am skirting one of the questions,

but just a little bit.

Besides, who's gonna know?

This question came from Debbie at Talking Trash.

Debbie asked: "Teechur, ain't it right...cornbread

are square and pie is round?"

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

It is so obvious that math has confused you.

Everyone from Texas knows that cornbread is...

round...

just like your cast iron skillet.

If you discover square cornbread,

you have discovered...

a Yankee.

See how EVIL math is?

Math is so powerful, it can divide a country!

Yes, Debbie, you are right.

Pie is round.

Don't let them convince you otherwise!

For years, mathematicians have tried to brainwash

us into believing that Pie R Square.

But NOOOOOOOOOOO!

That is a cobbler...

a cobbler is square!

Which brings me to my next complaint about math, Debbie.

What good is it?

I mean...

really...

have you ever used anything you learned in math class?

You have a calculator on your cell phone, don't you?

Exactly!

Thanks for helping me make my point.

When was the last time that real life imitated a

word problem in math class?

If your daughter leaves LAX at 8 am on flight number 471

and her plane is flying 500 miles per hour

in a vicious thunderstorm...

and your son leaves DFW at 9:35 am on flight number 832

and his plane is flying 650 miles per hour

and is being flown by a pilot under the influence...

which child will you pick up from the airport first?

Well, duh!

Nobody needs math to figure out this one!

You wouldn't pick up either child,

because they are both flying to see their boyfriends!

I hope this answer has helped you, Debbie.

The next question came from Linda at

The Good, The Bad, The Worse.

Linda asked: "Is your husband's name really Lurch?

Is he Swedish or something?

Where did you get the wonderful photos you have?

They are fantastic!

When are you coming to California to visit me?"

Linda, my husband's real name is not Lurch.

Lurch is the nickname given to him by a coach

on his college football team.

No, my husband is not Swedish.

He is...

big.

Not a bad thing, huh, Linda?

At his full height of 6'5", Lurch can be frightening,

but he is really a big old, teddy bear.

Where do I find all my wonderful photos?

I'm a photoholic, Linda.

I pick them up everywhere...

I even bring them home with me!

I must admit that it is better than what I used to bring home with me.

But still.

While not as expensive as some other habits,

it still requires time and money.

I scour racks and boxes of vintage photos in

antique stores and thrift shops.

However, I must admit that the best deals

on photos can be found on Ebay and Etsy.

When blogging, I often use "borrowed" photos...

if you get my drift.

When am I coming to see you in California?

Well, both state governments have us in such bad shape,

we might have to just meet up in New Mexico

where excess and poverty have always lived side by side.

Seriously, I am hoping on a trip to your lovely state

this winter or next spring.

Before then, you must go see my bff, Sue, who lives in

Orange County and who I will address later in this post.

Thanks for the invitation, Linda!

The next question came from Mindy at The Primitique.

Mindy asked: "What is your favorite color?"

Easy, peasy, Mindy!

My favorite color is...

black.

How simple was that?

Years ago, while a student in Lubbock,

I remember calling the phone company to order phone service

for my apartment.

Yes, kids...

there was a life before cell phones!

Not only was there a life before cell phones...

there was a time you could only "rent" your house phone

from the dang phone company!

Expensive!!!

I was poor

(my, life has come full circle)

and I wanted the cheapest phone, so I told the salesperson

that I wanted a simple, basic, black phone.

She promptly told me that black was not a color!

Pardon me?

Black isn't a color?

Evidently not...

at least according to Bell telephone.

You know my second favorite color, Mindy?

Turquoise.

Ain't it beautiful?

Especially with black.

The last question (and most dangerous)

came from Sue at Just Practicing Random Acts of Kindness.

Sue asked: "What is the worst thing you ever did as a 'teechur'?"

Considering that I am employed by a state university

to supervise student teachers, I can only answer this question

under extreme duress.

In my many years as an school administrator,

I have looked back on some of the escapades of

some of my teaching friends

and have come to the realization that I would have

fired all of them.

Oh, yes...

we...

I mean "they" were idiots.

I "heard the story" that some of the teachers

wanted to play role reversal with some of their students,

so one night, this certain group of teachers...

toilet papered students' houses.

I would have fired them.

And I heard about this young teacher

who got really angry about the superintendent

not attending one of her students' performances.

I heard she went to his house and knocked on his

front door and confronted him.

I definitely would have fired her!

As far as stories about myself...

I am old...

and my memory is pretty blurry.

Sorry, Sue.

Know you would have liked some stories about me,

but they just don't exist!

I think it is time for my happy hour...

I mean conference period.

You guys better study...

I feel a pop test coming on!