Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock,

you are my hero!

Seriously!

I taught English for about 400 years

and never learned your little trick!

Why didn't I think of it?

Now, I supervise student teachers

for a state university,

so I can teach them Jenny's wonderful tactic!

You know the worst part of teaching English?

The grading of papers.

Miles and miles of papers to read!

Then Jenny came up with this ingenious idea

to write stories which are only 100 words!

Brilliant!

And what does she do when she is really busy?

She simply changes the word length to 25 words!

Jenny is the master!

Surely everyone can think of 25 words...

not including the three words in the prompt.

Heck...

Jenny gives us a whole week to write it!

Even you can do this assignment!

Seriously...

even you!

Come on!

Join us at Saturday Centus!

This week's prompt:

"the lottery ticket"

Here is my contribution for the week.

___________________________________________________________

I slipped into galoshes and rubber gloves.

This nasty secret would remain between me and the bitch.

I found it intact in the fifth pile...

the lottery ticket.

Saturday Centus

Bah humbug!

Jenny gave us a Christmas prompt.

I am not in the Christmas spirit this year.

No decorations.

No shopping.

No chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

So I didn't write my story Saturday.

Guess I'll show her.

Then it happened yesterday.

I was in WalMart.

I know, I know.

I don't like to go there either,

but I could go there without showering,

fixing my hair or changing out of

my sweatpants and dirty t-shirt.

Plus...

it is the only store that sells the

industrial size bucket of peanut butter.

Creamy, in case you were wondering.

So there I was in WalMart,

minding my own business...

just me and Peter Pan.

When what to my wondering ears

should appear?

The sounds of Christmas!

Oh, joy!

It was true...

there was a FIGHT right there on the

dog treat, sanitary napkin, potato chip aisle!

It started out with the raised voices of

one lonely white trash man

and one desperate white trash woman.

But before long...

they had recruited the help of both

of their dysfunctional families

until it turned into a huge redneck brawl!

Finally...

the holidays had arrived for me!

It was an early Christmas present from WalMart.

I was inspired.

I snatched up my 50 gallon drum of peanut butter

and headed home to write.

Let me take a moment to call attention to one thing.

Jenny won't allow us to use naughty words in our stories.

Hey, Jenny!

I just used the word snatch in my introduction!

Snatch, snatch, snatch!

Anyway...

I used Jenny's writing prompt,

"the bin of tangled up holiday lights"

in my 100 word story.

Did anyone else but me notice that Jenny

used the term "holiday lights"

instead of Christmas lights?

I'm calling Glenn Beck, Jenny!

I'm calling him up at the mental asylum right now!

So have you been to WalMart?

Are you inspired to write? To read?

Join us at Saturday Centus!

Here is my inspirational contribution for the week.

The writing prompt will be in italics.

______________________________________________________

It would be our last Christmas together.

I knew it.

He didn’t.

It made me sad to think about it.

Christmas will be lonely next year.

Tonight was the final tree trimming.

Christmas tree decorating had become a dysfunctional family tradition. It began happy and festive, but always went downhill with the strands of tangled holiday lights.

Tempers would flare. Fingers would be pointed. Spirits would be imbibed. Less than festive words would be shouted. Ornaments would be broken.

But it wouldn’t happen again.

Next year I will be decorating the tree alone…

and his lifeless body will be in the bin of tangled up holiday lights.

Going To The Dogs...

I am SO upset with Jenny Matlock this week!

Why, you ask?

I am upset because of what she did

to us this week

at Saturday Centus!

She knew that we ate a boat load of turkey,

dressing and pecan pie this week!

She knew we were full and slightly nauseated!

Yet, she allows Clearspace to do this to us!

Can you believe it?

Who is Clearspace?

I'm not sure...

I thought Clearspace was a brand new

cell phone service provider...

evidently not.

Clearspace is this hotshot blogger

who wrote our prompt for this week!

Really!

And you know what Clearspace chose for a prompt?

A horoscope!

You heard me!

A horoscope!

Oh, my gosh!

And on top of a full stomach!

So I have been really upset all day

until the BEST thing happened!

I was reading online horoscopes

and trying to avoid all of those

pop-up sex ads that jump up on

the horoscope pages...

when I discovered PET HOROSCOPES!

You heard me!

PET HOROSCOPES!

Then it hit me...

that's what I want to do

when I grow up!

I know, I know...

I can't grow up much more,

but when I do,

I want to write PET HOROSCOPES!

Yessirree...

that Bachelor of Arts in Interdisciplinary English

is finally going to pay off!

I am going to write

PET HOROSCOPES!

Thank you, Jenny!

You helped me find my true path!

So, it was a pet horoscope that I used

for my prompt today.

No, I did not make this up.

It is a real pet horoscope.

My pet horoscopes will be SO much better!

“Another trick AGAIN?

You’re really getting tired of practicing,

but just keep that happy smile on your face

and that tail wagging.

It’s all worth it for a treat and a big hug from your owner!”

If you want to join us this week,

just bring along your pooper scooper

and write 100 words based on a horoscope.

Here is my contribution this week.

My prompt is in italics.

__________________________________________________________

Honey Dew was not having a good year. The recession had hit hard, but not as hard as her man, Ho Daddy.

Honey Dew could read the writing on the wall. Usually the writing was on a bathroom wall and had her number in it. She knew that her once-famous melons were now too ripe.

She was thinking of hanging up her fish-net stockings and cashing in her chips…Lay’s chips, of course.

Then she read her horoscope, never knowing that it was a pet horoscope:

“Another trick AGAIN? You’re really getting tired of practicing, but just keep that happy smile on your face and that tail wagging. It’s all worth it for a treat and a big hug from your owner!”

Happy day! She could use a hug and a treat.

Honey Dew wagged her tail.

A Sticky Situation...

Jenny Matlock is a turkey!

There. I said it.

Jenny is not just a turkey...

she is a turkey of the finest quality.

Jenny is a Butterball turkey.

You know what I mean.

She is a turkey for giving us such a

quirky writing prompt this week!

Plus, if you just follow her directions,

and baste and trim from time to time,

your story will be delicious!

Maybe I spent too much time

on my turkey this week.

It may be a little dry

or a little too juicy.

You decide!

What are Jenny's Saturday Centus directions?

Write 100 words on her prompt.

"Pardon me," said Tom T. Urkee..."

Jenny's prompt can be used anywhere

in your story.

The prompt will be in italics.

Simple...

right?

Come on...

join in the feast!

Here is my contribution for the week.

__________________________________________________________

I hated being his opening act.

Tom T. Urkee gave me no credit for warming up his audience.

If Tom didn’t think he was cock of the walk, we could share the spotlight.

Maybe I could charm him.

As he strutted backstage, I took my chance.

“Hey, Tom, is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Pardon me,” said Tom T. Urkee. “Don’t ruffle my tail feathers!”

“Go stuff yourself!” I shouted. “You are so tight-laced, you are trailing twine!”

Then I heard the emcee announce my name.

“Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for….

Miss Candy Yam!”

With A Twist, Please!

I know that it may be time

to FALL BACK...

but I am getting ahead of

the game and am gonna

SPRING FORWARD!

No, not with my clock!

I am springing forward

by posting my Saturday Centus

post on Saturday!

What a concept!

What is Saturday Centus?

You mean you don't participate?

You ought to be ashamed!

I know you are getting older and

your brain needs to be exercised!

Yes, I said it!

I have a personal brain trainer.

Yes, I do!

Her name is Jenny Matlock

and she puts me to the test every Saturday!

How, you ask?

That was you asking, wasn't it?

My personal brain trainer gives me a 100 word

writing assignment every Saturday...

but she gives me all week to work on it!

Doesn't she know I am in the bluebird group?

Obviously not.

In addition to giving me an entire week,

she also gives me a writing prompt which I

can use anywhere in my story...

and she doesn't even make me count those words!

Here is this week's prompt:

"It was the 11th anniversary of..."

So how about you join in the mental push-ups today?

Just go HERE to read all the wonderful stories

and then exercise your brain by writing your own!

Come on!

We may be a flabby group

(speaking for myself, of course),

but we have some ripped brains!

Here is my contribution for this week.

The prompt is in italics.

I showed you mine...

now you show me yours!

_____________________________________________________________

It was the 11th anniversary of my 1st date with the 2nd cousin of my 3rd husband. It happened on the 4th day of the 5th month during my 6th year of celibacy.

Before I knew it, I was in my 7th month of pregnancy. I was expecting my 8th child. There wouldn’t be a 9th. I swore off gin.

The baby entered the world at the intersection of 10th Avenue and 11th Street. I named her Martini for obvious reasons.

The father of the baby offered to marry me…on the 12th of never.

This anniversary reminded me.

I need to get my life in order.

Stovepipe Top Hat

Oh, my gosh!

It feels so good to be back!

I have been taking care of life lately,

but I sure missed my fellow participants

in Jenny Matlock's Saturday Centus!

So imagine my surprise today when I tuned in

and found out that our weekly assignment has

been shortened to 50 words!

You heard me...

50 words!

But I like a challenge.

Thanks goodness because life has been

a challenge lately!

I remember when I started contributing to

Saturday Centus and its 100 word challenges.

I thought that was a tough assignment...

but 50?

Piece of cake!

You know why?

Because Ms. Matlock is a good teacher

and has prepared us well...

that's why!

If you are new to Saturday Centus,

you may be wondering what it is all about.

Saturday Centus is a themed writing meme.

Each Saturday, Ms. Matlock

will give us a writing prompt.

Your assignment, if you choose to accept it,

is to write a 100 word story

not including the prompt words.

Oh, and the prompt words can be used

anywhere in your story!

The writing prompt is good for the entire week...

so join in when you get good and ready!

This week's prompt:

"Abraham Lincoln was a lot shorter than I

thought he would be..."

So here is my contribution to this week's

50 word

Saturday Centus!

_______________________________________________________

President Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe were making out in the corner. Then he approached me and asked me to dance. He held me too tight and snuggled his stovepipe top hat between my breasts.

Abraham Lincoln was a lot shorter than I thought he would be…

I hate costume parties.

Two, Two... Two Stories in One!

I'm so far behind, I thought I was first!

I have been playing hooky.

I admit it.

Shoot me...

please.

I am in the middle of preparing

for a new adventure in life

and have not used my time wisely...

what a surprise.

Okay, I skipped last week

and I feel terribly guilty,

so I am posting two stories today...

last week's assignment

and this week's assignment.

For those of you who are joining us

for the first time, you may be wondering

about Saturday Centus.

What is Saturday Centus?

It is a themed writing meme.

Each Saturday, Ms. Matlock will give

a writing prompt.

Your assignment...

if you choose to accept it...

is to write a 100 word story.

Yes, 100 words or less...

not including the "prompt words".

Oh, and the prompt words can

be used anywhere in your story!

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

The writing prompt is good for the entire week,

so you can join in at any time!

Since I haven't had enough time

to post on Saturday Centus,

I certainly don't have enough time

for a clever introduction.

So here they are.

________________________________________________________

THIS WEEK'S PROMPT:

It was a dark and stormy night.

His survival instinct kicked in. He knew his life was on the line. One slip of the tongue could result in fiery hell.

The interrogator showed no mercy. Answer or die. It was as simple as that.

His mind was blank. He mustn’t let confusion show.

“Do you even remember that day?” the interrogator asked through clenched teeth.

“Yes, I do!” he sputtered. “It was a dark and stormy night.”

The minute he uttered those words, he knew it was over.

The interrogator smirked and turned out the lights.

“If you ever forget our anniversary again, I will hurt you.”

____________________________________________________________

LAST WEEK'S ASSIGNMENT:

Take any other SC stories (yours or someone elses) and using ANOTHER 100 WORDS...tell us the "rest of the story".

Please copy and paste the first story so we can read both entries easily.
So...
A 100 word story that tells the rest of any previous Saturday Centus!

"Case Solved"

Part One

I had never been more tired. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t sleep. If I closed my eyes, I saw the horror of the most gruesome crime scene I had ever investigated. What kind of animal could do those perverted, sadistic things to women? I knew I should be out looking for him, but my investigation was at a dead end. My mind needed a break. My feet needed some rest.

I settled into the comfortable movie theatre seat with awkward 3D glasses perched on my nose, a small tub of popcorn on my lap, and a bottle of water lodged into the cup holder, and I felt my body begin to relax. It felt like my exhausted body was melting in the chair.

Then I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck.

Part Two

“Excuse me, mam, did you drop these?” he whispered into my ear.

I froze in place moving only my eyes to see the recognizable object in his hand.

I tried to slow my breathing to hide my emotions.

“Those are not mine,” I replied without ever turning my head to meet his eyes.

Had he followed me here?

I jumped as he slowly teased the object across the back of my neck.

“Give me my panties!” I said as I snatched them from his hand.

“Then don’t leave them on my floor,” he laughed as he kissed my cheek and put a sheltering arm around my shoulder.